Fine (as in, fee-nay...the musical term)

It's the end of my first year of teaching!

EFFFFFFFF YES.

Sorry, but considering that 2 days before the last day, I got my arse chewed out by a parents, I couldn't be more ready for the end of the year.

Wurrr wurr wurr....do you hear the call of the helicopter mom?

Seriously, though, it has been a wonderful year and the good things far outweighed the mediocre/sub par.  I am thankful for the wonderful staff that I work with and the great administration that I work for.

But now, it's time for summer.

I've gotten my raised garden bed built (nothing big, just a 3x3 with bean poles).  I've got a list of what is left to do in the condo to make it "home"-ish.  Although it really is pretty close to that feel anyway.  I've got friends coming, probably family coming and a reunion and a 5k to attend.

And I'm learning to fly fish!
And perhaps, how to climb a really tall rock.

And I'm playing on a softball team (and loving it).

Chugachugachug....do you hear the train of contentment rolling your way?

Best,
A

Tap Roots

A Professor from college wrote a blog post about how important it is for people to put down "tap roots" in a place. And, for the most part, a lot of it stuck with me.

Which is saying something, I read a lot of blogs. I love learning from other people's thoughts.

I digress, what I mean to say is that I feel like I'm starting to put taproots down in Bozo.  It's taken a long while, but I think that can be attributed to working a full time job that seems to have a full time job attached to it just to prepare properly.  In that situation, it's really hard to go out and get to know people.  But I'm finally doing it.

I'm starting a new job tomorrow at a place called The Wild Crumb.  It reminds me of my favorite bakery in Sioux Falls.  I'm delighted to be offerred to work for them as I think the opportunity to work around customers in a bakery setting will let me get to know more people just through regular exposure.

It's also nice to pull a paycheck besides the regular one.  I'm not money grubbing, but I am a food lover who really hates having to budget the quality of food I can buy.  It's also nice to save for things that I've been wanting to get/do for a long time *cough*graduate school*cough*Iceland*cough*tattoo*cough*.

I also feel like I've developed a sense of consistency and permanence at Monforton.  The kiddos know that I will be back next year (yes!) and they seem generally pleased about it.  It's really nice when a parent comes up to you and says, "We were talking about you this morning and "Bob" said that he really hoped you stayed, since it seems like they get new music teachers every year. "Bobbette" agreed and said that music teachers always seem to get pregnant."

Fear not "Bob" and "Bobbette"....that world isn't even on my radar.

Finally, I've joined a softball team! (Thanks to friends Smai and Jake)  We're called "The Swingin' Pulaskis Too" and it's through Montana Conservation Corps.  So, even though I don't work for them, I get to meet a lot of great people that probably feel the same way about things as I do.  I know it's not good to surround yourself with similarity, but it's nice to surround myself with people that I feel are really open-minded and welcoming.

We were supposed to have our first game tonight, but it got rained out.  Next week!

Anyway, I'm making contacts.  The end of school is in sight, which is causing craziness right now, but looking around at all of the other teachers I can tell we're all thinking "the end is near, just push it"!

Anyway, I am content....I am beyond content, I am very happy.

Oh, and I love the new condo. It's such a seemingly perfect fit for me. Now just to finish painting and build myself a raised garden bed for the patio.

Oh, and I'm thinking about getting a hammock too. I mean, what's relaxing without a hammock? :)  I'm super pumped to just lean back into the hammock in the summer with a good book and my dog next to me.  And then, after some reading, look out and see Hyalite Canyon.

Life, I am so lucky. What on Earth did I do to deserve this?

Best,

A

Life Plans

Life plans.....which is really an oxymoron. It seems that every plan I make is usurped at some point, generally right before I'm supposed to reach the penultimate goal.


But that's okay.  I know that Buddhists really support being the the present, and that's something that I'm trying to work on (really, I am!).  For example, this morning when I was brushing my teeth, I took time to really realize how different parts of my body were feeling.  That toe I kicked into the wall a week ago?  Not as painful, but it's hard to put shoes on sometimes (especially my favorite tennis shoes).  My sinuses?  They feel like there's a balloon under them, slowly expanding (thanks to my students, I suspect).

It's a good way to get both outside of yourself and inside of yourself.  Outside of your ego and desire to plan and inside of your body and how you are really feeling.

Currently, my sinuses still feel like they're going to bust.

Even with that mindset, I can't help but get excited for the future....if all goes according to what I'd like to see happen.

I have applied to graduate school for next fall to get my Masters in K-12 Music Curriculum and Instruction.  I've been told that getting in to the graduate school here isn't difficult, and that I would probably get in...which is great!  The program should take about 5 semesters to complete, but if I did summers too, I could get it done quite a bit sooner.  So, let's just say that puts me another 2-3 years in Bozeman.

From there, I'd like to start looking at Doctoral programs around the nation.  I love Bozeman. It's a beautiful place to live. But I don't know that this is my forever place.  It could be, I could not be.  I'm not entirely sure.  But it's a great place for right now.  Hopefully I can get in to a good Doctoral program (meaning I need to work my ass off on my Masters) and start also teaching Undergraduate Education courses.  I think there's a big flaw in the education system today and a lot of it stems from not having a rigorous and involved Undergraduate Education degree requirement.  Not that all Education Programs are bad, that's not what I'm saying!  I'm saying that there is too much busy work and not enough synthesizing and higher level thinking going on in those classes.

From there, I want to do research in education (and thus, publish), teach, and hopefully start getting involved politically.  There are a lot of people that are making laws about education that have never been in a classroom...and there's something wrong with that.  We don't let people not involved in the military make decisions about military actions, why should we do so for education?  I'd love to be an advisor on educational policy and practice.

Oh...and somewhere in there, I'd love to invest some money into buying land (when I find my "forever" home) and start a small CSA/farm.  Hopefully, I could do it similar to what Dean at Three Hearts Farm is doing and invite local schools to come and learn about food and agriculture in an experiential way.  My students were out there yesterday and they absolutely loved it.  I think having that hands on experience is critical to developing a true understanding of the world around us (hence why I teach music).

But, as always, this is completely up to adjustment...it has to be.  There were no plans in there for my personal life, because, well...you just can't plan that.  It seems like every time you do, something happens and it just doesn't work.  I feel that, if I pursue my passions and interests, I'll probably meet someone along the way who feels similarly and perhaps it will work out.

And, if not....there's always Koda.

Life is full of surprises, and as long as one respects them and understands that they don't really have control over anything, I think life has the tendency towards beauty.

Best,

A

Distance

Sometimes I wish it were possible for the people I love to be nearer to me in the place that I love.

Which, I know, is totally selfish.  But I think they would love it too.

Moving places can be tough.  It's actually a lot tougher than I thought it would be.  And, perhaps, it's just because I'm in an apartment that doesn't feel like my own in a town that doesn't yet feel like my own.  I'm gradually making contacts, and I've even scored a part time job for the summer that should help keep me busy and meeting people.  It's just terribly easy to fall into the negative way of thinking - when it doesn't need to be that way....ya know?

But then you get in that mindset and suddenly you feel this giant existential crisis rear it's ugly face out at you and you wonder if you're even in the right place, doing the right job, living your life in the right way.

Or if you should just go back home and live in your parents' basement.

But, like my Dad reminds me, if I left, I may very well live the rest of my life asking "I wonder what would have been?".  It's far better for me to stay here, see what will be, work in a job I am happy with, earn a higher degree, and then decide what the right move might be.

Moving isn't easy.
But sometimes I think moving back would be just as hard as moving out here was/is.  Perhaps it's just a waiting game and eventually something will click.

Best,
A

Anticipation

Within a month (or just over), I will be closing on the condo.

I keep scheming ways to build a garden on the patio and all the different colors palettes I could use inside the condo.

My hobbies have been clearly defined :)

Rant

I am fully aware the a "proper" blog generally consists of short to mid-length entries covering one topic.

Well, call me improper.

I think this entire mind-melt started while talking with fellow teachers over some drinks tonight.  I firmly believe that teaching is one of the few professions that could potentially lead to alcoholism...if the people that did it weren't made of strong stock.  Most of us enjoy one drink a week....or more....but I think we have good reasoning.

You see, when you love the students you work for, you can't just "leave it at work".  It's not one of those jobs.  It is a job where, no matter how hard you try, you take something from it home.  Every. Single. Day.  Sometimes, it's great things.  For example, I've been talking with my 5th grade band students about how they should always produce a sound so pure and beautiful that they get a ring from the room.  Once a week, we work on making the room "sing" with a simple, balanced, Bb major triad.  Not hard for a trained musician, but it has been a steep learning curve for these kiddos.

Today, they did it on their first shot.  And not only that, but they went on to impress me with their phrasing and their musicality in the piece we're currently working on.

If I took moments like this home every day, I can't even create an analogy to talk about what I would do.

Some days, though, you're battling everything.  You have a Kindergartener that called another kid a "jerk" and then the other student cries....or bites the former student.  You have at least one 1st grader that is so ADHD and ED that they should be seeing a counselor, but Mom/Dad don't believe in it, so he goes untreated and hurts not only himself, but others as well.  You have some upper level elementary students who don't even know if their parents will be coming home tonight.  Heck, they don't even know who will be taking them home or where home is for that matter.  Then you've got an early Middle Schooler who gets picked on and, thus, upset to the point where they are pretending to gun down other students in the class.

And, you know what, those things would still be happening, even in a perfectly managed classroom (which mine is not, yet).

But you know what kills me the most?  That a lot of these behavioral issues can be traced back to one source.  That's right. The parents.

I am so lucky and blessed to have the parents that I do.  I realize that more and more every day when I see what some of my students have for home lives.  I cannot believe that we, as a nation, allow for this to exist.  That, in our fierce defense of "the pursuit of happiness", we focus so much on achieving our own happiness that we don't think about what the consequences of that happiness might be.  A woman who is addicted to various drugs, doesn't have a home, doesn't have a steady job, decides that one night of sex will make her happy.  She gets pregnant and has a baby.  Do you think she is really going to be so concerned about the happiness of that child that she is going to give up what she thought made her happy?

Remember, what you think makes you happy and what actually provides a source of happiness is vastly different.

I love my students. I would do anything for them. I will defend them to the end of the Earth and back if that's what it takes to ensure a positive future for them.  But there are some situations in which I simply cannot do anything. And it frustrates me.  The feeling of helplessness one feels when they go to bed, knowing that they have a safe place to sleep for the night and will have breakfast in the morning while they have multiple students out there who aren't going to bed well fed, with a safe place to sleep, and who have no idea what fate meets them tomorrow, is a complete one.

And yet, the most I can seemingly do for them every day during the week is give them structure, and attention, and rules, and expectations and let them know that I KNOW their life is a real shit pile right now, but that doesn't mean that they need to stay IN the shit.  I'm realizing more and more that, besides all of the things that I just listed, I have the grand duty of providing my students with a sense of hope for not only their immediate lives, but for their future.  I, and all of the other fantastic teachers at my school, have to prove to them that they need to have hope in themselves because WE have hope in them.

This world is a messed up place and, at the center of it, is today's youth.
How on Earth are we going to give them hope?

An Unnecessary Update

I'm at home.

I love being at home.

I love feeling comfortable saying that I have two homes.

At my Bozo home, I'm mostly anonymous.  I can hide away in a coffee shop and not worry about running into people and talking.  I can make meals when I want and how I want.  I have a few close friends and a job that I can pursue passionately.

At my SuFu home, I can choose locations based on the desired level of anonymity.  My Mom makes dinner as a special treat for me whilst I'm home, and they're always delicious.  I get to see friends that I've been missing, most often the scenario plays out like I've never left....which I love.

As I sit in a big, comfortable recliner and look out the sliding glass door to my parents' beautiful yard.  As I watch my dog nap in the sunlight after a full day of playing and getting muddy at the dog park.  As I giggle when my Dad's snore wakes both him and my dog up.
As all of these things happen - I feel so blessed and lucky.

So many changes have happened within the past 2 weeks, and I wasn't sure if they were the right choices and changes at the time,
but upon reflection and pulling myself away from the situations,
upon examining them externally,
I am happy with them.

Within a month I will live in a condo that I will be paying off.
My own place.
Within a few months, the herbs and vegetables I have planted will begin to sprout and produce vegetables.
Within those same few months, I can start getting on the bike again and hopefully begin biking to work.

The future is bright. I am so lucky.