Within a month (or just over), I will be closing on the condo.
I keep scheming ways to build a garden on the patio and all the different colors palettes I could use inside the condo.
My hobbies have been clearly defined :)
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Rant
I am fully aware the a "proper" blog generally consists of short to mid-length entries covering one topic.
Well, call me improper.
I think this entire mind-melt started while talking with fellow teachers over some drinks tonight. I firmly believe that teaching is one of the few professions that could potentially lead to alcoholism...if the people that did it weren't made of strong stock. Most of us enjoy one drink a week....or more....but I think we have good reasoning.
You see, when you love the students you work for, you can't just "leave it at work". It's not one of those jobs. It is a job where, no matter how hard you try, you take something from it home. Every. Single. Day. Sometimes, it's great things. For example, I've been talking with my 5th grade band students about how they should always produce a sound so pure and beautiful that they get a ring from the room. Once a week, we work on making the room "sing" with a simple, balanced, Bb major triad. Not hard for a trained musician, but it has been a steep learning curve for these kiddos.
Today, they did it on their first shot. And not only that, but they went on to impress me with their phrasing and their musicality in the piece we're currently working on.
If I took moments like this home every day, I can't even create an analogy to talk about what I would do.
Some days, though, you're battling everything. You have a Kindergartener that called another kid a "jerk" and then the other student cries....or bites the former student. You have at least one 1st grader that is so ADHD and ED that they should be seeing a counselor, but Mom/Dad don't believe in it, so he goes untreated and hurts not only himself, but others as well. You have some upper level elementary students who don't even know if their parents will be coming home tonight. Heck, they don't even know who will be taking them home or where home is for that matter. Then you've got an early Middle Schooler who gets picked on and, thus, upset to the point where they are pretending to gun down other students in the class.
And, you know what, those things would still be happening, even in a perfectly managed classroom (which mine is not, yet).
But you know what kills me the most? That a lot of these behavioral issues can be traced back to one source. That's right. The parents.
I am so lucky and blessed to have the parents that I do. I realize that more and more every day when I see what some of my students have for home lives. I cannot believe that we, as a nation, allow for this to exist. That, in our fierce defense of "the pursuit of happiness", we focus so much on achieving our own happiness that we don't think about what the consequences of that happiness might be. A woman who is addicted to various drugs, doesn't have a home, doesn't have a steady job, decides that one night of sex will make her happy. She gets pregnant and has a baby. Do you think she is really going to be so concerned about the happiness of that child that she is going to give up what she thought made her happy?
Remember, what you think makes you happy and what actually provides a source of happiness is vastly different.
I love my students. I would do anything for them. I will defend them to the end of the Earth and back if that's what it takes to ensure a positive future for them. But there are some situations in which I simply cannot do anything. And it frustrates me. The feeling of helplessness one feels when they go to bed, knowing that they have a safe place to sleep for the night and will have breakfast in the morning while they have multiple students out there who aren't going to bed well fed, with a safe place to sleep, and who have no idea what fate meets them tomorrow, is a complete one.
And yet, the most I can seemingly do for them every day during the week is give them structure, and attention, and rules, and expectations and let them know that I KNOW their life is a real shit pile right now, but that doesn't mean that they need to stay IN the shit. I'm realizing more and more that, besides all of the things that I just listed, I have the grand duty of providing my students with a sense of hope for not only their immediate lives, but for their future. I, and all of the other fantastic teachers at my school, have to prove to them that they need to have hope in themselves because WE have hope in them.
This world is a messed up place and, at the center of it, is today's youth.
How on Earth are we going to give them hope?
Well, call me improper.
I think this entire mind-melt started while talking with fellow teachers over some drinks tonight. I firmly believe that teaching is one of the few professions that could potentially lead to alcoholism...if the people that did it weren't made of strong stock. Most of us enjoy one drink a week....or more....but I think we have good reasoning.
You see, when you love the students you work for, you can't just "leave it at work". It's not one of those jobs. It is a job where, no matter how hard you try, you take something from it home. Every. Single. Day. Sometimes, it's great things. For example, I've been talking with my 5th grade band students about how they should always produce a sound so pure and beautiful that they get a ring from the room. Once a week, we work on making the room "sing" with a simple, balanced, Bb major triad. Not hard for a trained musician, but it has been a steep learning curve for these kiddos.
Today, they did it on their first shot. And not only that, but they went on to impress me with their phrasing and their musicality in the piece we're currently working on.
If I took moments like this home every day, I can't even create an analogy to talk about what I would do.
Some days, though, you're battling everything. You have a Kindergartener that called another kid a "jerk" and then the other student cries....or bites the former student. You have at least one 1st grader that is so ADHD and ED that they should be seeing a counselor, but Mom/Dad don't believe in it, so he goes untreated and hurts not only himself, but others as well. You have some upper level elementary students who don't even know if their parents will be coming home tonight. Heck, they don't even know who will be taking them home or where home is for that matter. Then you've got an early Middle Schooler who gets picked on and, thus, upset to the point where they are pretending to gun down other students in the class.
And, you know what, those things would still be happening, even in a perfectly managed classroom (which mine is not, yet).
But you know what kills me the most? That a lot of these behavioral issues can be traced back to one source. That's right. The parents.
I am so lucky and blessed to have the parents that I do. I realize that more and more every day when I see what some of my students have for home lives. I cannot believe that we, as a nation, allow for this to exist. That, in our fierce defense of "the pursuit of happiness", we focus so much on achieving our own happiness that we don't think about what the consequences of that happiness might be. A woman who is addicted to various drugs, doesn't have a home, doesn't have a steady job, decides that one night of sex will make her happy. She gets pregnant and has a baby. Do you think she is really going to be so concerned about the happiness of that child that she is going to give up what she thought made her happy?
Remember, what you think makes you happy and what actually provides a source of happiness is vastly different.
I love my students. I would do anything for them. I will defend them to the end of the Earth and back if that's what it takes to ensure a positive future for them. But there are some situations in which I simply cannot do anything. And it frustrates me. The feeling of helplessness one feels when they go to bed, knowing that they have a safe place to sleep for the night and will have breakfast in the morning while they have multiple students out there who aren't going to bed well fed, with a safe place to sleep, and who have no idea what fate meets them tomorrow, is a complete one.
And yet, the most I can seemingly do for them every day during the week is give them structure, and attention, and rules, and expectations and let them know that I KNOW their life is a real shit pile right now, but that doesn't mean that they need to stay IN the shit. I'm realizing more and more that, besides all of the things that I just listed, I have the grand duty of providing my students with a sense of hope for not only their immediate lives, but for their future. I, and all of the other fantastic teachers at my school, have to prove to them that they need to have hope in themselves because WE have hope in them.
This world is a messed up place and, at the center of it, is today's youth.
How on Earth are we going to give them hope?
Monday, March 11, 2013
An Unnecessary Update
I'm at home.
I love being at home.
I love feeling comfortable saying that I have two homes.
At my Bozo home, I'm mostly anonymous. I can hide away in a coffee shop and not worry about running into people and talking. I can make meals when I want and how I want. I have a few close friends and a job that I can pursue passionately.
At my SuFu home, I can choose locations based on the desired level of anonymity. My Mom makes dinner as a special treat for me whilst I'm home, and they're always delicious. I get to see friends that I've been missing, most often the scenario plays out like I've never left....which I love.
As I sit in a big, comfortable recliner and look out the sliding glass door to my parents' beautiful yard. As I watch my dog nap in the sunlight after a full day of playing and getting muddy at the dog park. As I giggle when my Dad's snore wakes both him and my dog up.
As all of these things happen - I feel so blessed and lucky.
So many changes have happened within the past 2 weeks, and I wasn't sure if they were the right choices and changes at the time,
but upon reflection and pulling myself away from the situations,
upon examining them externally,
I am happy with them.
Within a month I will live in a condo that I will be paying off.
My own place.
Within a few months, the herbs and vegetables I have planted will begin to sprout and produce vegetables.
Within those same few months, I can start getting on the bike again and hopefully begin biking to work.
The future is bright. I am so lucky.
I love being at home.
I love feeling comfortable saying that I have two homes.
At my Bozo home, I'm mostly anonymous. I can hide away in a coffee shop and not worry about running into people and talking. I can make meals when I want and how I want. I have a few close friends and a job that I can pursue passionately.
At my SuFu home, I can choose locations based on the desired level of anonymity. My Mom makes dinner as a special treat for me whilst I'm home, and they're always delicious. I get to see friends that I've been missing, most often the scenario plays out like I've never left....which I love.
As I sit in a big, comfortable recliner and look out the sliding glass door to my parents' beautiful yard. As I watch my dog nap in the sunlight after a full day of playing and getting muddy at the dog park. As I giggle when my Dad's snore wakes both him and my dog up.
As all of these things happen - I feel so blessed and lucky.
So many changes have happened within the past 2 weeks, and I wasn't sure if they were the right choices and changes at the time,
but upon reflection and pulling myself away from the situations,
upon examining them externally,
I am happy with them.
Within a month I will live in a condo that I will be paying off.
My own place.
Within a few months, the herbs and vegetables I have planted will begin to sprout and produce vegetables.
Within those same few months, I can start getting on the bike again and hopefully begin biking to work.
The future is bright. I am so lucky.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Sunday, February 24, 2013
A Mental Vaporization
As of last Tuesday, life has taken a topsy-turvy route. Our landlord lost his job and, to compensate, is selling our apartment/condo. Meaning, basically, we have to get out. Combine that with some personal opinions and thoughts that needn't be discussed, I'm trying to figure out where to live.
Basically, I'm trying to find the money balance and decide whether or not it is wiser to continue to rent or if I should outright buy a condo.
Condo
Pros:
- Finally own some land (in this area, the price of a home and land is only going to increase) = good investment
- Have my own place that is closer to school (at least, the condos I'm looking at are closer) which would cut off some more travel time
- Be able to have a small porch garden
- Have some say on interior aesthetics (shallow, I know, but really important to me)
- Could collect rent for mortgage if I move for a new job
Cons:
- Mortgage, bank, accounting, bleh...stuff that I have very little knowledge of
- $$$
- SOL if some appliance in the condo breaks
Apartment
Pros:
- Little concern if something breaks - call the landlord and they fix it
- Increased mobility (if I want to move, I just move....sort of with a 6 mo. contract)
Cons:
- Rent disappears...aka: not investing
- Further away from school route (longer commute)
- Possibly noisy neighbors
- Have to work with a landlord
Add to that the following things:
- Graduate School (do or do not) for K-12 Music Education Curriculum and Instruction (a step that I need to do if I am to become a professor of education someday...the long term goal) at MSU.
Pros:
1) It puts my current loans on hold, so I won't have to pay them until I finish
2) I would move over a "lane" in the salary schedule (a pay raise)
3) I can finally feel like I'm starting to learn again (my brain feels stale)
4) I can get local tuition rates ($9,000) which is reasonable
5) It's online, which means I can work at my own rate
6) It would be a way to network with local teachers and suck their brains for information
7) It would add to my value at Monforton (making it worth their while to try and keep me)
8) It *should* make me more marketable (see Con #4)
Cons:
1) I would be accruing more debt...which should probably always be avoided (but, it pays off?)
2) I would have to work hard and be sure to maintain a solid GPA (no more sluffing off)
3) It would increase my work load to having things to do on the weekend and during the evenings in the weeks (decreased free time)
4) Some schools avoid people with M.Ed's because of the move over one salary lane....M.Ed's can be expensive people to hire depending upon the district
AND
Lander, Wyoming has a job opening. For all those education major out there, if you can find a location in WY that you love....try to get a job there! The pay is outstanding (for educators), there is no income tax, and the property tax is low.
I'm not expecting an offer on the position.....it was only open for a week and a half, which makes me think that they have someone in mind and that they were just making the position available to follow protocol. However, if they did offer, I would be conflicted. I love the students, staff, administration and community I work with/for...but it's barely a livable wage and more or less will require a part time job somewhere in the future. Lander, WY is similar to Bozeman, but much smaller (apx 7,000 pop) and more conservative. They do have NOLS, which is something I've been interested in for a while. The position is MS/HS Band...right up my alley.
Like I said, I'm conflicted.
But, the Pros/Cons list definitely helped (except for the Lander, WY situation...I don't know that it's possible to make a list like that when I don't know as much about the position as I would like to). It's looking like maybe I should opt for Graduate school (if I can swing it) and the Condo.
Hey, thanks internet, for all your help.
Basically, I'm trying to find the money balance and decide whether or not it is wiser to continue to rent or if I should outright buy a condo.
Condo
Pros:
- Finally own some land (in this area, the price of a home and land is only going to increase) = good investment
- Have my own place that is closer to school (at least, the condos I'm looking at are closer) which would cut off some more travel time
- Be able to have a small porch garden
- Have some say on interior aesthetics (shallow, I know, but really important to me)
- Could collect rent for mortgage if I move for a new job
Cons:
- Mortgage, bank, accounting, bleh...stuff that I have very little knowledge of
- $$$
- SOL if some appliance in the condo breaks
Apartment
Pros:
- Little concern if something breaks - call the landlord and they fix it
- Increased mobility (if I want to move, I just move....sort of with a 6 mo. contract)
Cons:
- Rent disappears...aka: not investing
- Further away from school route (longer commute)
- Possibly noisy neighbors
- Have to work with a landlord
Add to that the following things:
- Graduate School (do or do not) for K-12 Music Education Curriculum and Instruction (a step that I need to do if I am to become a professor of education someday...the long term goal) at MSU.
Pros:
1) It puts my current loans on hold, so I won't have to pay them until I finish
2) I would move over a "lane" in the salary schedule (a pay raise)
3) I can finally feel like I'm starting to learn again (my brain feels stale)
4) I can get local tuition rates ($9,000) which is reasonable
5) It's online, which means I can work at my own rate
6) It would be a way to network with local teachers and suck their brains for information
7) It would add to my value at Monforton (making it worth their while to try and keep me)
8) It *should* make me more marketable (see Con #4)
Cons:
1) I would be accruing more debt...which should probably always be avoided (but, it pays off?)
2) I would have to work hard and be sure to maintain a solid GPA (no more sluffing off)
3) It would increase my work load to having things to do on the weekend and during the evenings in the weeks (decreased free time)
4) Some schools avoid people with M.Ed's because of the move over one salary lane....M.Ed's can be expensive people to hire depending upon the district
AND
Lander, Wyoming has a job opening. For all those education major out there, if you can find a location in WY that you love....try to get a job there! The pay is outstanding (for educators), there is no income tax, and the property tax is low.
I'm not expecting an offer on the position.....it was only open for a week and a half, which makes me think that they have someone in mind and that they were just making the position available to follow protocol. However, if they did offer, I would be conflicted. I love the students, staff, administration and community I work with/for...but it's barely a livable wage and more or less will require a part time job somewhere in the future. Lander, WY is similar to Bozeman, but much smaller (apx 7,000 pop) and more conservative. They do have NOLS, which is something I've been interested in for a while. The position is MS/HS Band...right up my alley.
Like I said, I'm conflicted.
But, the Pros/Cons list definitely helped (except for the Lander, WY situation...I don't know that it's possible to make a list like that when I don't know as much about the position as I would like to). It's looking like maybe I should opt for Graduate school (if I can swing it) and the Condo.
Hey, thanks internet, for all your help.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Endemic Engagements
Before you chew me out about the title of the post, please understand, I don't have anything against the people getting engaged right now. It's just something that I've noticed.
What? You haven't noticed? Everyone seems to get engaged between the ages of 20-25. Okay, not everyone. In fact, the majority of women (at least) do get married around that age. But that's changing. I think, perhaps, most of my friends and I are just part of the changing demographic.
You see, all of this was brought about by the ever popular, Facebook. I'm guilty of having purely friendly acquaintances as "friends". Partially, because I forget that we made each other "friends" and partially because I suffer from this condition called curiosity. Either way, recently I've seen multiple friendly acquaintances get engaged. I am excited for them. I am happy for them. But I just don't understand.
You see, the average life expectancy continues to get longer. The data continues to show that people who marry later in their lives (late 20's and early 30's) tend to have happier, more stable marriages. They also tend to think about divorce less. In my mind, if I knew I was with "the one", I would have no problem putting off marriage indefinitely. Increasingly so if it meant that the marriage was to be even more stable and happier if we waited longer. I mean, if they are "the one" then where are they going?
(That being said, you have to believe in the concept of "the one" before any of what I just said is even viable.)
Perhaps it also helps that I'm not baby crazy. But that's for another entry.
In this past year, I have come to appreciate how rapidly and extensively a single person can grow and change. If I look at the "me" from senior year of high school to the "me" from senior year of college, they were completely different beasts in many ways. I like to think that most of the changes were for the better. Here's the catch though: the people that I dated in high school have also changed extensively and I would find it hard to believe that we would be "romantically compatible" as we are now. If you marry someone so young, especially while you continue to learn about yourself, I think you are risking:
This doesn't mean stay out of relationships, obviously. I'd be a terrible hypocrite if I were to say that. But, I do believe there is something in marriage that changes the very nature of the relationship in ways. I also disagree with the mindset of "well, if we change and don't get along, we'll just get a divorce."
My biggest fear is that some sort of engagement endemic starts. One friend gets engaged and then the others feel as though the need to do so as well, and quickly. Oftentimes, I think that the vast amount of social media we have at hand causes us to feel pressured when we needn't be. So, perhaps, before you start thinking about "when will I find my true love and get married and make babies and have a house with a white picket fence", you should think "am I aware enough of myself and what I want out of life to feel comfortable committing myself to another person through all the future changes that will happen, both good and bad".
Best,
A
What? You haven't noticed? Everyone seems to get engaged between the ages of 20-25. Okay, not everyone. In fact, the majority of women (at least) do get married around that age. But that's changing. I think, perhaps, most of my friends and I are just part of the changing demographic.
You see, all of this was brought about by the ever popular, Facebook. I'm guilty of having purely friendly acquaintances as "friends". Partially, because I forget that we made each other "friends" and partially because I suffer from this condition called curiosity. Either way, recently I've seen multiple friendly acquaintances get engaged. I am excited for them. I am happy for them. But I just don't understand.
You see, the average life expectancy continues to get longer. The data continues to show that people who marry later in their lives (late 20's and early 30's) tend to have happier, more stable marriages. They also tend to think about divorce less. In my mind, if I knew I was with "the one", I would have no problem putting off marriage indefinitely. Increasingly so if it meant that the marriage was to be even more stable and happier if we waited longer. I mean, if they are "the one" then where are they going?
(That being said, you have to believe in the concept of "the one" before any of what I just said is even viable.)
Perhaps it also helps that I'm not baby crazy. But that's for another entry.
In this past year, I have come to appreciate how rapidly and extensively a single person can grow and change. If I look at the "me" from senior year of high school to the "me" from senior year of college, they were completely different beasts in many ways. I like to think that most of the changes were for the better. Here's the catch though: the people that I dated in high school have also changed extensively and I would find it hard to believe that we would be "romantically compatible" as we are now. If you marry someone so young, especially while you continue to learn about yourself, I think you are risking:
1) Merging identities and forgetting who you (as an individual) are - a terrible situation to me
2) Risking the chance that you will want to change in some ways, but find those ways are unsupported by your partner
3) Never realize the future that was possible for you if you maintained an autonomous persona.
This doesn't mean stay out of relationships, obviously. I'd be a terrible hypocrite if I were to say that. But, I do believe there is something in marriage that changes the very nature of the relationship in ways. I also disagree with the mindset of "well, if we change and don't get along, we'll just get a divorce."
My biggest fear is that some sort of engagement endemic starts. One friend gets engaged and then the others feel as though the need to do so as well, and quickly. Oftentimes, I think that the vast amount of social media we have at hand causes us to feel pressured when we needn't be. So, perhaps, before you start thinking about "when will I find my true love and get married and make babies and have a house with a white picket fence", you should think "am I aware enough of myself and what I want out of life to feel comfortable committing myself to another person through all the future changes that will happen, both good and bad".
Best,
A
Monday, December 31, 2012
Resolution?
I'm not completely sold on the idea of New Year's resolutions. As my Mom said, "I think that if you're living a life where something could be better, you should change it when you notice the need for change." (Not verbatim, but that's the drift)
But, I do think there is something refreshing about saying "It's a New Year and what a perfect point in time to make a change for the better". Sometimes, people need that kick where other people are changing so they believe they can improve themselves too.
Last year, I didn't have a resolution and I was fine. I think I'm going to do more of a goal than a resolution this year.
From January 1st - December 31st, 2013 - I will not:
- purchase coffee drinks (or coffee regalia)
- purchase alcohol
There are stipulations:
1) When I go home or am traveling**, I am allowed coffee/beer/wine...as these libations can be a major source of discussion and information about an area's culture.
**traveling to mean being 300+ miles away from Bozeman
2) If someone offers to purchase the drink for me, I will accept (if I want it).
Really, what I'm going to do is put away the cash that I would otherwise spend on these items and save it. I would love to go to Iceland next summer or begin my first leg of Triple Crown hiking. Whatever I decide to do, the money will be used towards traveling.
Have a fantastic New Year's Eve friends!
Best,
A
But, I do think there is something refreshing about saying "It's a New Year and what a perfect point in time to make a change for the better". Sometimes, people need that kick where other people are changing so they believe they can improve themselves too.
Last year, I didn't have a resolution and I was fine. I think I'm going to do more of a goal than a resolution this year.
From January 1st - December 31st, 2013 - I will not:
- purchase coffee drinks (or coffee regalia)
- purchase alcohol
There are stipulations:
1) When I go home or am traveling**, I am allowed coffee/beer/wine...as these libations can be a major source of discussion and information about an area's culture.
**traveling to mean being 300+ miles away from Bozeman
2) If someone offers to purchase the drink for me, I will accept (if I want it).
Really, what I'm going to do is put away the cash that I would otherwise spend on these items and save it. I would love to go to Iceland next summer or begin my first leg of Triple Crown hiking. Whatever I decide to do, the money will be used towards traveling.
Have a fantastic New Year's Eve friends!
Best,
A
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