Why I don't need to use "having a boyfriend" as an excuse.
I'm saving this to read whenever I feel defeated.
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Oh hey, I'm a consumer too!
I have been working in the service industry since I was 14 years old. Even now, as a part-time music teacher (arguably also a service industry), I am still working part-time in a bakery as "the-girl-at-the-counter". I prefer the phrase "presenter of pastries".
Over the years, I have had a lot of time to watch people interact with each other and with the people behind the counter. I've watched wealthier older folks and younger folks, mothers and fathers coaching their kids in the art of placing an order, overly affectionate (like, gross PDA) couples and first dates. I've seen break-ups and marriage proposals. You can say that I've seen a lot of different scenarios play out.
I've also had momentary interactions with all of those people. Every. Single. One.
Because, I am the girl that has made your white mocha with extra syrup, soy milk, and extra foam latte. I've been one of the first people to talk to you in the morning before you've gone in to work and one of the last people to talk to you before you head home at the end of the day to your family.
I've been the one that has had to say "Sorry, there is a $5.00 minimum on all credit card purchases". After which I get a happy smile while you search for cash or purchase something else, or I hear a complaint followed by, "Well, you must not want my business then".
I've been the girl that is busy trying to sweep and mop after hours so I can get home to my walk my dog when you come banging on the door asking if you can "please-just-buy-one-thing-quick". I've also been the one to have been told "you know, new businesses shouldn't treat their customers like this", when I calmly (and kindly) inform you that we will be working on closing up shop in 10 minutes...even though you knew that based on the hours on our doors.
And, after each and every experience, I am left with an impression of who you are as a person. Similarly, you are left with an impression of who I am as a person.
Or are you?
I have this theory that something strange happens when you put a counter and a register between two people. Some sort of de-humanizing effect where suddenly the customer no longer sees the person on the other side of the counter as a human and more as an extension of the machine. And, since machines were created to make our lives easier and do not have any emotional response, those same characteristics are transferred onto the employee. So, suddenly, it's okay for you to scoff, or complain, or interrupt, or be quite rude to that strange, humanoid form.
Meanwhile, (most of the time), the person on the other side of the counter is fully aware that you are a sentient human being with emotions and a life of your own. That is, after all, part of the point of customer service: to help you as an individual gain something that you'd like (whether that's a beverage, a pastry, or a new faux finish for a wall in your house). And, as I've been that person on the other side of the counter thousands of times, let me tell you that "Please" and "Thank You" aren't just magic words that you need to teach your children. They're magic words that need to be taught and modeled to your children. What good does it do to say "Whenever someone does something kind for you, you're need to say "Thank You"" to your child and then get angry and demand to know if there will be any more of (insert item here) today, or should you just go elsewhere.
A trend I've also been noticing is that folks have begun to do the "Hi, how are you, I'd like....." phrase more frequently. They ask how you are, and don't stop to listen. I promise, I am not going to tell you about my woes and worries and joys and such when you ask how I am, so please stop to listen to my response or don't ask at all. However, if you do, and you stop to listen, it won't take long, and it will help form a better connection between you and I.
After all, it is this better connection and getting to know you that makes me want to provide better service. It can be the difference between me offering to heat up your baked good in the oven a bit while I ring you up, or just giving you a croissant that, while still delicious, has been sitting a while.
I know this post isn't the most organized...but it is something that I've been thinking about a lot as we head towards the summer months when I regularly work at the bakery. So, let's summarize.
Over the years, I have had a lot of time to watch people interact with each other and with the people behind the counter. I've watched wealthier older folks and younger folks, mothers and fathers coaching their kids in the art of placing an order, overly affectionate (like, gross PDA) couples and first dates. I've seen break-ups and marriage proposals. You can say that I've seen a lot of different scenarios play out.
I've also had momentary interactions with all of those people. Every. Single. One.
Because, I am the girl that has made your white mocha with extra syrup, soy milk, and extra foam latte. I've been one of the first people to talk to you in the morning before you've gone in to work and one of the last people to talk to you before you head home at the end of the day to your family.
I've been the one that has had to say "Sorry, there is a $5.00 minimum on all credit card purchases". After which I get a happy smile while you search for cash or purchase something else, or I hear a complaint followed by, "Well, you must not want my business then".
I've been the girl that is busy trying to sweep and mop after hours so I can get home to my walk my dog when you come banging on the door asking if you can "please-just-buy-one-thing-quick". I've also been the one to have been told "you know, new businesses shouldn't treat their customers like this", when I calmly (and kindly) inform you that we will be working on closing up shop in 10 minutes...even though you knew that based on the hours on our doors.
And, after each and every experience, I am left with an impression of who you are as a person. Similarly, you are left with an impression of who I am as a person.
Or are you?
I have this theory that something strange happens when you put a counter and a register between two people. Some sort of de-humanizing effect where suddenly the customer no longer sees the person on the other side of the counter as a human and more as an extension of the machine. And, since machines were created to make our lives easier and do not have any emotional response, those same characteristics are transferred onto the employee. So, suddenly, it's okay for you to scoff, or complain, or interrupt, or be quite rude to that strange, humanoid form.
Meanwhile, (most of the time), the person on the other side of the counter is fully aware that you are a sentient human being with emotions and a life of your own. That is, after all, part of the point of customer service: to help you as an individual gain something that you'd like (whether that's a beverage, a pastry, or a new faux finish for a wall in your house). And, as I've been that person on the other side of the counter thousands of times, let me tell you that "Please" and "Thank You" aren't just magic words that you need to teach your children. They're magic words that need to be taught and modeled to your children. What good does it do to say "Whenever someone does something kind for you, you're need to say "Thank You"" to your child and then get angry and demand to know if there will be any more of (insert item here) today, or should you just go elsewhere.
A trend I've also been noticing is that folks have begun to do the "Hi, how are you, I'd like....." phrase more frequently. They ask how you are, and don't stop to listen. I promise, I am not going to tell you about my woes and worries and joys and such when you ask how I am, so please stop to listen to my response or don't ask at all. However, if you do, and you stop to listen, it won't take long, and it will help form a better connection between you and I.
After all, it is this better connection and getting to know you that makes me want to provide better service. It can be the difference between me offering to heat up your baked good in the oven a bit while I ring you up, or just giving you a croissant that, while still delicious, has been sitting a while.
I know this post isn't the most organized...but it is something that I've been thinking about a lot as we head towards the summer months when I regularly work at the bakery. So, let's summarize.
The take-away points:
- On either side of the counter, you will find a human. Please treat them as such.
- The employee sees a lot of people everyday. We want your experience to be positive, but please understand that we get tired too.
- Some things (minimum purchase amounts, for example) aren't our rules..but our employer's. We are enforcers of the rules because there are reasons to them. This doesn't mean that we deserve your ire.
- "Please" and "Thank You" are magic words.
- Listening when you ask us "How are you" is a magical action that can result in a better experience for everyone involved
- We want you to have a positive experience, please don't forget that. We aren't here to make your life difficult or hellacious.
Oh, and if I may, one final thing. Please check the hours of wherever you are going. It is a common courtesy to not walk in and make a mess 10 minutes before close. Similarly, pounding on the door 2 minutes before open will not get us to like you more. In fact, we're probably running around trying to get everything ready for you.
Patience is key.
Best,
A
Sunday, December 29, 2013
ChildFree: A Teacher's Perspective
I think, this Christmas, I killed my Grandma's spirit. We were all hanging around the kitchen table, conversing, and I got after her for spoiling my dog (seems silly, but I'd rather he wasn't taught that he could get whatever he wants, whenever he wants, just by begging). Shortly after, she joined us at the table, still making comments about how I scolded her for spoiling my pooch, when she said it. She said the one thing that I've never really wanted to talk with her (or any family, really) about.
"I'm sure going to have a hard time not spoiling my great-grandchildren."
I don't remember exactly what I responded with, as my blood was already up and I was getting nervous seeing this comment coming down the pipe about 200 yards away. I believe my retort was something like "well, they won't be my children, so it shouldn't be a problem".
To which she responded:
"Why don't you want children? You've had such a good life!"
Thank God for my Aunt Julie who stepped to my aid and said, "What does her having a good life have to do with it?!"
That little bit from Julie gave me the time to quickly collect my thoughts and (carefully) respond, "The idea of women needing to have children is a societal expectation that I don't agree with. Besides, I teach around 150 students a day, 8 hours a day, 4 days a week.......that's enough time for me."
As you are probably well aware, I am an educator. More specifically, I am a music educator. More specifically yet, I am a K-8 music educator, and the only one in the school district. This means that, at some point, I have played a role in the life of every student in my district, all 300+ of them.
And I love my job. I adore it. It is the perfect place for me to be at this time in my life. My heart is full with my students, my friends, and my family.
And so is my time.
An average day looks something like this:
Wake up at 5:30am
Breakfast
Walk the dog from 6:30-7:30
Drive in to school and start working at 8am
Leave school at 4pm
Come home, walk Koda (the dog) from 4:15-5:30
Make dinner
Complete Graduate School work
Prepare for school the next day
Talk with friends/read for pleasure/watch a movie (if time allows)
Go to Bed (around 10)
I don't see any space for extra priorities/responsibilities in that time.
But, so far, these are all just external factors that influence part of my rational behind deciding not to have children.
The main reason, honestly, is just that I don't have any desire. Some might say that I'm just "too selfish" or that "the Mommy feeling" will come soon enough.
I don't think I've ever had that "Mommy feeling". I don't resent or regret that fact - it simply isn't there. I love working with kids. I adore teaching them. I find them inspiring, insightful, and honest. I believe that they, truly, are going to be the future. I want to help them become the best individuals they can possibly become.
But, when I go home at night, I want my silence and my peace.
I want to be able to plan things with friends for the weekend and not worry about the timeline.
I want to think about the future and be able to plan trips and excursions - something that is hard (note: not impossible, I'll admit) to do with a child.
I want to be selfish about what happens to my body. Pregnancy and birth take a lot out of a women's system and do incur permanent changes to her physicality (both positive and negative).
Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not at all ungrateful for what my Mom and Dad have given up and gone through to raise me. They have made incredible sacrifices, and I am beyond thankful. But, they both also had an innate desire to want to be parents. My Mom had my name picked out for me before she had even met my Dad.
I have no such desire. I think listening to one's gut and realizing this lack of desire is really important.
And, honestly, I think I am a better teacher for acknowledging these aspects of my personality. I appreciate my students so much more, knowing that I won't have a child waiting when I go home. I become more carefree and creative with them, because I can draw from their energy and personalities. I laugh more heartily, because I love all of them equally and because they are all so special to me. They are, honestly, all my children, in a way. And, I think any mother could agree, 300 children is enough, more may just be excessive.
Best,
A
A (somewhat) recent issue of Time Magazine came out exploring the idea of the "childfree" life.
"I'm sure going to have a hard time not spoiling my great-grandchildren."
I don't remember exactly what I responded with, as my blood was already up and I was getting nervous seeing this comment coming down the pipe about 200 yards away. I believe my retort was something like "well, they won't be my children, so it shouldn't be a problem".
To which she responded:
"Why don't you want children? You've had such a good life!"
Thank God for my Aunt Julie who stepped to my aid and said, "What does her having a good life have to do with it?!"
That little bit from Julie gave me the time to quickly collect my thoughts and (carefully) respond, "The idea of women needing to have children is a societal expectation that I don't agree with. Besides, I teach around 150 students a day, 8 hours a day, 4 days a week.......that's enough time for me."
As you are probably well aware, I am an educator. More specifically, I am a music educator. More specifically yet, I am a K-8 music educator, and the only one in the school district. This means that, at some point, I have played a role in the life of every student in my district, all 300+ of them.
And I love my job. I adore it. It is the perfect place for me to be at this time in my life. My heart is full with my students, my friends, and my family.
And so is my time.
An average day looks something like this:
Wake up at 5:30am
Breakfast
Walk the dog from 6:30-7:30
Drive in to school and start working at 8am
Leave school at 4pm
Come home, walk Koda (the dog) from 4:15-5:30
Make dinner
Complete Graduate School work
Prepare for school the next day
Talk with friends/read for pleasure/watch a movie (if time allows)
Go to Bed (around 10)
I don't see any space for extra priorities/responsibilities in that time.
But, so far, these are all just external factors that influence part of my rational behind deciding not to have children.
The main reason, honestly, is just that I don't have any desire. Some might say that I'm just "too selfish" or that "the Mommy feeling" will come soon enough.
I don't think I've ever had that "Mommy feeling". I don't resent or regret that fact - it simply isn't there. I love working with kids. I adore teaching them. I find them inspiring, insightful, and honest. I believe that they, truly, are going to be the future. I want to help them become the best individuals they can possibly become.
But, when I go home at night, I want my silence and my peace.
I want to be able to plan things with friends for the weekend and not worry about the timeline.
I want to think about the future and be able to plan trips and excursions - something that is hard (note: not impossible, I'll admit) to do with a child.
I want to be selfish about what happens to my body. Pregnancy and birth take a lot out of a women's system and do incur permanent changes to her physicality (both positive and negative).
Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not at all ungrateful for what my Mom and Dad have given up and gone through to raise me. They have made incredible sacrifices, and I am beyond thankful. But, they both also had an innate desire to want to be parents. My Mom had my name picked out for me before she had even met my Dad.
I have no such desire. I think listening to one's gut and realizing this lack of desire is really important.
And, honestly, I think I am a better teacher for acknowledging these aspects of my personality. I appreciate my students so much more, knowing that I won't have a child waiting when I go home. I become more carefree and creative with them, because I can draw from their energy and personalities. I laugh more heartily, because I love all of them equally and because they are all so special to me. They are, honestly, all my children, in a way. And, I think any mother could agree, 300 children is enough, more may just be excessive.
Best,
A
A (somewhat) recent issue of Time Magazine came out exploring the idea of the "childfree" life.
Friday, September 27, 2013
W.E.B DuBois
Thanks to Dr. O'Hara for presenting this quote to me:
"Give us grace, O God, to dare to do the deed which we well know cries to be done. Let us not hesitate because of ease, or the words of men's mouths, or our own lives. Mighty causes are calling us — the freedom of women, the training of children, the putting down of hate and murder and poverty — all these and more. But they call with voices that mean work and sacrifice and death. Mercifully grant us, O God, the spirit of Esther, that we say: I will go unto the King, and if I perish, I perish. Amen."
- W.E.B. Du Bois
"Give us grace, O God, to dare to do the deed which we well know cries to be done. Let us not hesitate because of ease, or the words of men's mouths, or our own lives. Mighty causes are calling us — the freedom of women, the training of children, the putting down of hate and murder and poverty — all these and more. But they call with voices that mean work and sacrifice and death. Mercifully grant us, O God, the spirit of Esther, that we say: I will go unto the King, and if I perish, I perish. Amen."
- W.E.B. Du Bois
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Hiking to Conquer?
This is flowing from my fingertips without much forethought, so excuse me if it comes off, well....bitchy.
I love living where I do because there are so many people that are into the outdoors around me at all times. Whether they are mountaineers or hippies, they all have this glow from being outside around them. Recently, though, I've begun to notice something in a few of these strangers and in a friend.
How valid is the act of going for a hike when the motive behind it is just to see how far you can go in a day, or how high you can climb, or how sore you can make yourself the next day? Is that really "hiking"?
Okay, Webster...let's have a look-see:
"1. To go on a hike
2. To Travel by any means"
Alright. Not helpful. By those standards I could say that I hiked from my living room into the kitchen to get a bowl of cereal.
Basically, I'm trying to differentiate the difference between going on a hike to say that you went on a hike and going on a hike as a means of discovering and fostering an appreciation for the area around you.
This friend, as far as I can tell, has gone from doing the latter (hiking for a love of a nature) to the former (hiking to say "I hiked Baldy, I hiked the Ridge, I hiked 30 miles", etc). Not that I think the hiking as an accomplishment is entirely wrong, but I do think that you lose something from the hike when you do that.
So, for anyone in this crazy Internet-ed world that might be reading this, what do you think? Am I valid in thinking that there is a difference between the two and that you lose some of the sacred aspect of hiking when you take it from purely meditative to focused mostly on exercise?
Best,
A
I love living where I do because there are so many people that are into the outdoors around me at all times. Whether they are mountaineers or hippies, they all have this glow from being outside around them. Recently, though, I've begun to notice something in a few of these strangers and in a friend.
How valid is the act of going for a hike when the motive behind it is just to see how far you can go in a day, or how high you can climb, or how sore you can make yourself the next day? Is that really "hiking"?
Okay, Webster...let's have a look-see:
"1. To go on a hike
2. To Travel by any means"
Alright. Not helpful. By those standards I could say that I hiked from my living room into the kitchen to get a bowl of cereal.
Basically, I'm trying to differentiate the difference between going on a hike to say that you went on a hike and going on a hike as a means of discovering and fostering an appreciation for the area around you.
This friend, as far as I can tell, has gone from doing the latter (hiking for a love of a nature) to the former (hiking to say "I hiked Baldy, I hiked the Ridge, I hiked 30 miles", etc). Not that I think the hiking as an accomplishment is entirely wrong, but I do think that you lose something from the hike when you do that.
So, for anyone in this crazy Internet-ed world that might be reading this, what do you think? Am I valid in thinking that there is a difference between the two and that you lose some of the sacred aspect of hiking when you take it from purely meditative to focused mostly on exercise?
Best,
A
Saturday, June 8, 2013
Fine (as in, fee-nay...the musical term)
It's the end of my first year of teaching!
EFFFFFFFF YES.
Sorry, but considering that 2 days before the last day, I got my arse chewed out by a parents, I couldn't be more ready for the end of the year.
Wurrr wurr wurr....do you hear the call of the helicopter mom?
Seriously, though, it has been a wonderful year and the good things far outweighed the mediocre/sub par. I am thankful for the wonderful staff that I work with and the great administration that I work for.
But now, it's time for summer.
I've gotten my raised garden bed built (nothing big, just a 3x3 with bean poles). I've got a list of what is left to do in the condo to make it "home"-ish. Although it really is pretty close to that feel anyway. I've got friends coming, probably family coming and a reunion and a 5k to attend.
And I'm learning to fly fish!
And perhaps, how to climb a really tall rock.
And I'm playing on a softball team (and loving it).
Chugachugachug....do you hear the train of contentment rolling your way?
Best,
A
EFFFFFFFF YES.
Sorry, but considering that 2 days before the last day, I got my arse chewed out by a parents, I couldn't be more ready for the end of the year.
Wurrr wurr wurr....do you hear the call of the helicopter mom?
Seriously, though, it has been a wonderful year and the good things far outweighed the mediocre/sub par. I am thankful for the wonderful staff that I work with and the great administration that I work for.
But now, it's time for summer.
I've gotten my raised garden bed built (nothing big, just a 3x3 with bean poles). I've got a list of what is left to do in the condo to make it "home"-ish. Although it really is pretty close to that feel anyway. I've got friends coming, probably family coming and a reunion and a 5k to attend.
And I'm learning to fly fish!
And perhaps, how to climb a really tall rock.
And I'm playing on a softball team (and loving it).
Chugachugachug....do you hear the train of contentment rolling your way?
Best,
A
Friday, May 17, 2013
Tap Roots
A Professor from college wrote a blog post about how important it is for people to put down "tap roots" in a place. And, for the most part, a lot of it stuck with me.
Which is saying something, I read a lot of blogs. I love learning from other people's thoughts.
I digress, what I mean to say is that I feel like I'm starting to put taproots down in Bozo. It's taken a long while, but I think that can be attributed to working a full time job that seems to have a full time job attached to it just to prepare properly. In that situation, it's really hard to go out and get to know people. But I'm finally doing it.
I'm starting a new job tomorrow at a place called The Wild Crumb. It reminds me of my favorite bakery in Sioux Falls. I'm delighted to be offerred to work for them as I think the opportunity to work around customers in a bakery setting will let me get to know more people just through regular exposure.
It's also nice to pull a paycheck besides the regular one. I'm not money grubbing, but I am a food lover who really hates having to budget the quality of food I can buy. It's also nice to save for things that I've been wanting to get/do for a long time *cough*graduate school*cough*Iceland*cough*tattoo*cough*.
I also feel like I've developed a sense of consistency and permanence at Monforton. The kiddos know that I will be back next year (yes!) and they seem generally pleased about it. It's really nice when a parent comes up to you and says, "We were talking about you this morning and "Bob" said that he really hoped you stayed, since it seems like they get new music teachers every year. "Bobbette" agreed and said that music teachers always seem to get pregnant."
Fear not "Bob" and "Bobbette"....that world isn't even on my radar.
Finally, I've joined a softball team! (Thanks to friends Smai and Jake) We're called "The Swingin' Pulaskis Too" and it's through Montana Conservation Corps. So, even though I don't work for them, I get to meet a lot of great people that probably feel the same way about things as I do. I know it's not good to surround yourself with similarity, but it's nice to surround myself with people that I feel are really open-minded and welcoming.
We were supposed to have our first game tonight, but it got rained out. Next week!
Anyway, I'm making contacts. The end of school is in sight, which is causing craziness right now, but looking around at all of the other teachers I can tell we're all thinking "the end is near, just push it"!
Anyway, I am content....I am beyond content, I am very happy.
Oh, and I love the new condo. It's such a seemingly perfect fit for me. Now just to finish painting and build myself a raised garden bed for the patio.
Oh, and I'm thinking about getting a hammock too. I mean, what's relaxing without a hammock? :) I'm super pumped to just lean back into the hammock in the summer with a good book and my dog next to me. And then, after some reading, look out and see Hyalite Canyon.
Life, I am so lucky. What on Earth did I do to deserve this?
Best,
A
Which is saying something, I read a lot of blogs. I love learning from other people's thoughts.
I digress, what I mean to say is that I feel like I'm starting to put taproots down in Bozo. It's taken a long while, but I think that can be attributed to working a full time job that seems to have a full time job attached to it just to prepare properly. In that situation, it's really hard to go out and get to know people. But I'm finally doing it.
I'm starting a new job tomorrow at a place called The Wild Crumb. It reminds me of my favorite bakery in Sioux Falls. I'm delighted to be offerred to work for them as I think the opportunity to work around customers in a bakery setting will let me get to know more people just through regular exposure.
It's also nice to pull a paycheck besides the regular one. I'm not money grubbing, but I am a food lover who really hates having to budget the quality of food I can buy. It's also nice to save for things that I've been wanting to get/do for a long time *cough*graduate school*cough*Iceland*cough*tattoo*cough*.
I also feel like I've developed a sense of consistency and permanence at Monforton. The kiddos know that I will be back next year (yes!) and they seem generally pleased about it. It's really nice when a parent comes up to you and says, "We were talking about you this morning and "Bob" said that he really hoped you stayed, since it seems like they get new music teachers every year. "Bobbette" agreed and said that music teachers always seem to get pregnant."
Fear not "Bob" and "Bobbette"....that world isn't even on my radar.
Finally, I've joined a softball team! (Thanks to friends Smai and Jake) We're called "The Swingin' Pulaskis Too" and it's through Montana Conservation Corps. So, even though I don't work for them, I get to meet a lot of great people that probably feel the same way about things as I do. I know it's not good to surround yourself with similarity, but it's nice to surround myself with people that I feel are really open-minded and welcoming.
We were supposed to have our first game tonight, but it got rained out. Next week!
Anyway, I'm making contacts. The end of school is in sight, which is causing craziness right now, but looking around at all of the other teachers I can tell we're all thinking "the end is near, just push it"!
Anyway, I am content....I am beyond content, I am very happy.
Oh, and I love the new condo. It's such a seemingly perfect fit for me. Now just to finish painting and build myself a raised garden bed for the patio.
Oh, and I'm thinking about getting a hammock too. I mean, what's relaxing without a hammock? :) I'm super pumped to just lean back into the hammock in the summer with a good book and my dog next to me. And then, after some reading, look out and see Hyalite Canyon.
Life, I am so lucky. What on Earth did I do to deserve this?
Best,
A
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