Resolution?

I'm not completely sold on the idea of New Year's resolutions.  As my Mom said, "I think that if you're living a life where something could be better, you should change it when you notice the need for change." (Not verbatim, but that's the drift)

But, I do think there is something refreshing about saying "It's a New Year and what a perfect point in time to make a change for the better".  Sometimes, people need that kick where other people are changing so they believe they can improve themselves too.

Last year, I didn't have a resolution and I was fine.  I think I'm going to do more of a goal than a resolution this year.

From January 1st - December 31st, 2013 - I will not:
- purchase coffee drinks (or coffee regalia)
- purchase alcohol

There are stipulations:
1) When I go home or am traveling**, I am allowed coffee/beer/wine...as these libations can be a major source of discussion and information about an area's culture.
**traveling to mean being 300+ miles away from Bozeman
2) If someone offers to purchase the drink for me, I will accept (if I want it).

Really, what I'm going to do is put away the cash that I would otherwise spend on these items and save it.  I would love to go to Iceland next summer or begin my first leg of Triple Crown hiking.  Whatever I decide to do, the money will be used towards traveling.

Have a fantastic New Year's Eve friends!

Best,
A

An Elementary Teacher's Reaction to the News

I am trying to rectify in my head the things that I should say regarding my feelings about the shooting in Connecticut.  Part of me says to not say anything at all, because it is merely drawing attention to the killer, which may have been what he wanted..and the last thing we should do right now is give him a media sensationalized glory.

But the other part of me is telling me that I need to type my thoughts out. So, I am going to do that. I will probably delete this post later, purely because sometimes things are better kept in the heart and left up to good conversation.


But, for now, an expulsion.

Incidents like this cause me to wonder about my (personal) belief that the universe is moving towards order instead of chaos.  In my mind, there is far fewer things more heinous than killing.  Even fewer are the things more heinous than killing children.  Those children may have been our nation's next Einstein, Martin Luther King Jr., our next Gershwins and O'Keefes.  Yes, the opposite is true as well. These youth could have been our next Dahmers, Raders, and Bundys.

But, as I said, I like to believe the world is moving towards order.

More than anything, I think most of those children would have grown up to be "productive" adults in society.  They may have never accomplished anything of "paramount greatness", but in living a wholesome and loving life, they were living greatly enough.

Beyond that, even the surviving children now have a lifetime to live thinking back to that day where they heard the "pop pop pop" and screaming of their classmates.  Of hiding behind desks and in closets, wanting nothing more than to be held by their mother and father.  Longing for some certification that what they were experiencing was only a nightmare and that they would wake up soon.  These students will have to think about this and rationalize, in their young minds, why someone would do this to innocent individuals.  The youngest will have to re-learn that killing and violence is not an okay way to handle anger and resentment.  Students model what they see everyday. If a student sees a parent hugging a child, they are likely to be a loving student.  If a student is exposed to the horrors of molestation and rape, the terrors of violence at a young age, they will act out in similar manners towards their peers.

Today, so many young people were forced to grow up. To become elders in child bodies.

As I was thinking about this post (and whether or not I was even going to write it) during my dog walking session with Koda, I was going to go on my rant against guns and weapons. How I don't believe in the "right to bear arms", because (to quote Dylan) "the times, they are a changin" and the reasoning behind having guns when this country was formed is no longer valid.  But, that would lead to an upset and angry post, which are emotions that I have no desire to feel.  So I will merely leave it at this,

Guns were made to kill.  Whether the killing was done to animals or humans, they were not tools of peace or compromise. They were a quick fix tool.  I acknowledge that perhaps they have made life so much easier, but sometimes I think life it too easy and that the laziness that we are afforded leads to acts of ill will as well.  Guns are a non-necessity, and should be treated as a tool used for those who have been properly trained and proven their reliability with them.  They should be a last resort, and not a first.

And even after all this typing, my mind continues to ask me "What would you do, if, next Monday when you were walking down the hall, the entirety of one of the second grade classes was to be dead and you lost your Kindergarten, 1st, and 2nd grade co-workers?"

My heart aches.

My friends, there is a call for reform in education. They say that we're not teaching our students enough to keep them up to date with the world and other nations.  That may be true. That may be a problem.  But, if we cannot raise our children to think like rational citizens, what does educating them more mean anyway?  We need a reform in so many areas besides purely curriculum, and it's not all on the teacher's end either.  We need a reform in the way we teach children to handle anger. We need a reform in the way we teach parents to talk with their children. We need a reform in the things that we allow children to watch and perceive as "okay". We need a reform in the way we all perceive the sanctity of life.

My friends, we are a nation and a world in need of reform.  How are you going to help the cause?

Video for Students

Struggle

I love this blog because I can literally write almost whatever I want and if you want to read it, you will, and if you don't, you won't.  I mean, I know that's how it is with all blogs, but this one I don't really care how many views I get. I appreciate them - but I'm not trying to make anything big out of it.  Not quite the same as Hike the Crown.

I learned a lot of good lessons yesterday, but the biggest takeaway lesson was on struggle.  I hate struggling.  I don't like not being proficient or better at things.  I also know that I need to change that.  Everyone struggles, and a lot of the time it's the people that have struggled the most significantly that have the best perspective.

Yesterday, I struggled.
Cross Country Skiing kind of struggled.

You see, coming from the Upper Great Plains, I'm used to flat...so in my mind...there wasn't really a trick to cross country skiing because it was flat.

I tried XC yesterday on hills. Not as easy.
Going up was fine. It was a challenge to synchronize movements, but once that was down...no big.

Going downhill, however, was a tricky trick.  I fell probably about 10-12 times in a matter of 2 miles.  That definitely takes the ego out of a girl.  (Something that is good for me, I think).

The process of falling and getting up also taught me a lot about myself.  I get angry pretty quickly after a few failures.  I think by about the fourth fall I yelled at Nathan "I'm not having FUN anymore."
But, I had to get back up...I mean, how else would I get down. And I'll be darned if I let a few pieces of wood strapped to my feet beat me.  So I got up, and by the end I could go down slight turns and slight hills without falling.

But, jeez, the bruise on my knee from one biff reminds me of the struggle it took to get there.  It's good, though, to struggle.  It makes the hot chocolate at the end so much more worth it. :)


Best,
A

Happiness?

Yes. The question mark was intentional.

While at home over the holiday (which I loved, I miss my family so much) the conversation of happiness came up.  What makes a person happy?  Can anything actually make a person happy or is it an intrinsic choice?

Then Nathan and I talked about it briefly tonight.

Honestly, it confuses the snot out of me.  Right now, I have a highly intrinsically rewarding job, but it's also highly stressful.  I feel like it's affected my personal relationships, and I'm not necessarily okay with that.  Most people have been exceptionally understanding, and I appreciate that.  Does the stress go away though?  What happens if the angst cause by the stress begins to outweigh the intrinsic pleasure?

How does one even know what they're supposed to do in life?
Or is anyone even supposed to do something?  Perhaps it's all a shot in the dark and there isn't this sense of pre-determination/fate that guides a person to the "right" career choice.

And how do you know when to balance the pleasure your job brings isn't enough to compensate for the unhappiness the life outside of work brings?

This isn't to say that I am unhappy, or anything of the sort.  But the phrase "stuck" was brought up tonight and it got me thinking about how many people (myself included) often feel "stuck" in their situation.

I'm ready to go home, again.

A Selfish Post

This post doesn't ask any questions. In fact, it's a stereotypical post for this time of year.

No, it's not a food post...that'll come later on Thursday.

It's the Thankful Post.

I was out at the dog park with Koda last night.  Under the stars, north of town at the foot of the Bridger mountain range - I could see down onto Bozeman.  For the first time since I've been here,  I felt utterly content to be where and how I am.  I have finally gotten used to the things that previously annoyed me (Montanan's, at least in Bozeman, are fantastic at pulling the "rolling stop").  And, while I still don't have a core group of friends, I do have friendly acquaintances and people I could call up and get a drink with on the weekends if I wanted to.

I live in a cozy apartment that is spacious enough that Nathan, Koda, and I can all be in it and still be in separate rooms if we want to get away from each other.  That apartment is right next to a beautiful little pond that I get to walk my dog around regularly.  That pond is surrounded by trees (one of my favorite types) which also block out the businesses surrounding it, so all I can see is Hyalite Canyon in the distance. And, when I do come home from those dog walks, and Nathan is home - we get along. We don't fight, we have discussions.  He lets me indulge in my cooking/baking hobby, even if it does mean that the electric/heat bill goes up a bit.  I only hope I give him as much freedom as he gives me.

(Nathan, if you're reading this, and I don't....let's have a discussion).

At work, I have an incredibly supportive staff and administration that are willing to send me to conferences so I can continue to be a better educator.  They give me advice and they have welcomed me with open arms.  They are okay with the fact that I do things a little bit differently and don't burn me at a stake every time I propose something that doesn't make the most sense.

While I haven't gotten to know too much of the community surrounding my school, it also seems supportive.  I'll know more after the Christmas concert.

As I'm writing this, staring out the window at the kiddos on the playground, I feel calm and content.  I am Thankful to be working a job I enjoy. I am Thankful to be able to afford to have food on the table every night...and food that I made.  I am Thankful that I can go for hikes on the weekend and really get away from people.  I am Thankful that I can still indulge my introverted-ness.

I am Thankful that I have a family that supported me moving away and starting my own career somewhere else.  I am Thankful that my family and I are comfortable saying "Love Ya" to each other.  I know a lot of families where that's seen as "odd" - and I don't get it.

More than anything, though, I am Thankful that I get to go home tomorrow (on a plane! Not driving!) to see that family and spend time together.

Hey, and Thanks for letting me indulge in a Thankful post.
You know, studies have shown that you can significantly improve your happiness by stating even just one thing that you are Thankful for every day.  Whether it's the season or not.

Best,
A

Love

Do you ever feel like you care/love "too much".

"I love too much" - isn't that a silly phrase?

But, sincerely, if you don't love too much, are you loving enough?