Hypocrisy

"Go put your creed into your deed.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson"

In other words, friends, actions speak louder than words. Or, perhaps, we should back up all of our talk with actions.

Let me begin by stating outright that I fully acknowledge that I am a hypocrite, and that even in writing this, I am increasing my hypocrisy tenfold.

But I try, so very hard, to not be a hypocrite. 

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people say one thing, and do another. When they profess to living the lifestyle of one personality, and actually live the lifestyle of the exact opposite.

(Like I said, guilty as charged).

I get annoyed with drivers who are driving recklessly quickly,

but in turn, if I am in a hurry, do the same thing.

(Which begs the question of "Why do we hurry?" and "What's wrong with arriving precisely when you are meant to (like a wizard)?"....to be discussed at a later date, I would suppose).

And sometimes I catch myself and say "Well, Andrea, they could be on to a VERY important meeting, or perhaps someone is sick, or perhaps this....perhaps that...."

And then my inner gut says "Yes, and you know what excuses are like."

Unacceptable for most part. On all grounds. I should be more tolerant because I should love them and feel compassion for them because they are a living being. They should slow down because they should love and feel compassion for other individuals, and because there are very few things in this world that truly warrant rushing.

(If Nathan reads this, he knows how unbelievably hypocritcal I am being right now, I'm the queen of punctuality and untimeliness tends to drive me insane.)

Or, perhaps the hypocrisy that kills me the most, and the one that caused me to seriously reflect upon my personal beliefs/philosophies/religious understandings.

Back log, for those who know me, skip the next two paragraphs.

 
I work at a coffee shop in my home town, and we get a variety of customers. Everyone from the pre-teen who is testing out their new found driving skills and freedom by meeting up with friends, to the middle aged mom catching a coffee between children's activities, to the loner old man who loves nothing more than "A 12oz coffee, blueberry muffin, heat it up please with some butter and plastic fork, and a glass of water with plenty of ice" - Every.Single.Morning.  

One significant group of customers that we cater to is the religious group. (Ie: Pastors, their wives, their congregation, their bible study groups, the individual doing a personal bible study, etc).  I bear no bad bones about this people. I think the fact that they are trying to truly understand what they believe is incredible, and I wish more individuals did something like that.

Everyone back with me?

Alright.

So it's that latter group that I see daily, the religious individuals, that cause me the most hypocritical angst.  We have some folks that come in daily, daily, or perhaps even multiple times a day and order expensive drinks.

Awesome for business.

But how are all of their congregation members doing financially?

There is a lot of hidden poverty in the city I live in, and I find it hard to believe that the hundreds of dollars they spend every month at the coffee shop couldn't be better redirected to someone who needs the help more. And all of the time they spend just hanging out at a coffee shop? It could also probably be much better redirected.

Within this group, there are also a lot of older, wealthier individuals (often female), that preach to being awesome Christians. Yes, them. With their pounds of makeup, lots of jewelry, fancy Coach bag ("No it's not a knockoff! It's original!").  They, who treat the staff at the coffee shop like underlings. Like indentured servants to their caffeinated desires. These are the people that caused me to truly question my religious understandings. To look around while sitting in Mass and see more people with more things than they will ever need, wearing ridiculous things that they don't need, coated in cologne/perfume that is just causing everyone else around them to gag throughout the entire service, because they want to smell nice.

You see, my problem is that it is very ego-centric. The understanding of religion, specifically Christianity, in this area.  Everything is fine and dandy and "Our God is an Awesome God - As-Long-As-I-Can-Keep-Driving-My-Escalade-To-Get-My-Nails-Done". 

It kills me. 

I grew up Catholic. I went through a Catholic school system and got a very good education (if a bit biased). I am undeniably grateful for the opportunities presented to me by my parents and the sacrifices they made. 

But with this education, I've learned a lot about what the figurehead, Jesus, preached in a way of a lifestyle.

Here, want a good idea, let's start with the Beatitudes and move from there to the Ten Commandments.

Anyway you slice it. These individuals aren't even close to following the core, the essence, of their belief system. The moment they talk down to a staff member at the shop because the drink isn't just right, they've strayed. 

My big question is then, do they repent?

Unfortunately, I think the attitude of "I get what I want" is so inherent in society and the culture, especially around here, that it doesn't seem wrong.

But remember, I, too, am a hypocrite.

But I acknowledge it.

And I work on it daily.

Because to be a hypocrite is the biggest annoyance in my life right now, and it will be for the rest of my life. But perhaps, because I am trying to be better. Because I am making a sincere, dedicated effort to improve my existence, I can say that yes, I am a hypocrite, but I am a progressive hypocrite, working to change and improve daily.

Terrifying Monotony

I'm convinced that the time after you graduate from college but before you've secured a "real job" is possibly the most terrifying time of your life to date.

At least, that's how I feel.

I wish I could say that I've been able to do a lot of great thinking. And, perhaps, I have. But life seems to keep me so busy that I'm not able to really focus on developing thoughts.  I thought that this summer was going to be the summer for that, but between work and the Civitas project, my thoughts have been a bit preoccupied.

Between those two things, and the puppy:

(and "aww" is totally appropriate here)

Anyway, perhaps one thing that I've learned is that, if the department of education ever did decide to do it, and if all the schools perhaps stuck to it as well, creating a host site for all open education positions with a wonderful search engine would be the best creation ever.

Seriously.

EVER.

Anyway,

I'm still alive and all is relatively well.

I'll be sure to have something decent posted here soon. And hopefully on a regular(er) schedule.

Talks with Mom (part 1)

As my brother is on a travelling baseball team, my parents are often gone during the summer, sometimes both at the same time, sometimes one at a time.  Such was the situation this weekend. Derek (lovingly referred to as "Deek") was playing in Topeka, KS and Mom decided to stay home.  Because I love my family and I love being able to talk with them (when they're in talkative moods), I ventured over to the homeland to talk with Mom for the late morning-early afternoon hours.

This conversation had some usual parts:
"Hey, how was work....." "How are you doing....." "How is Deek's baseball going....."

but, after all of the small talk and idle chatter, we can generally glean a good hour of solid conversation, which I always find myself learning from.

Two Points Made By Mom (this trip):
1) The key is balance.
2) Some people like to have shallow and basic relationships with a lot of people and not spend the time to develop deep, lasting relationships with a few people. Other people prefer just the opposite and would rather have a few very close friends and not know many people.

Point 1


This point almost came out of the blue, but it was a good one and a concept that I've taken to heart.  No matter what aspect of life, it must be kept in a balance.  Working time must be balance out with sleeping time, and anyone who makes you feel lazy for needing your time to recoup via sleeping needs to bugger off.  I'm guilty of giving folks a hard time for "sleeping too much".  I, personally, can run just fine off of 6-7 hours of sleep.  Others need more like 8-9.  So, folks that I have teased so mercilessly, I apologize.

Time spent relaxing (physically and mentally) should be paired evenly with time spent creating and doing.

But, perhaps the most important fact of this balance (between all of life's aspects) is that the balance is different for everyone.  For me to feel balanced, I need about 60% of my time alone and 40% of my time with people (not counting as sleeping hours and no, Koda doesn't count as "people").  I also need about  1/3 of my car riding time to be spent in silence (I really don't care to listen to the music on the radio much, it's either NPR or MPR or nothing).  The silence allows me to collaborate my quiet time and alone time into my driving time...multi-tasking?

(The topic of multitasking is also and interesting one that I'll touch on later).

But there are some things that I think we spend the majority of our lives trying to figure out how to balance.  How much food do we actually need to feel satiated and happy but not overly full? How much money do we need in our savings to feel secure, but not pompously wealthy?  How much affection do we expect out of a relationship to feel loved and cared for, but not smothered?

And how often do these balances change as we grow and mature (or, perhaps, im-mature?)

Point 2

I'll confess.  This topic came up while discussing Nathan and my Dad. You might call them the "men in our lives", although mine has taken a noticeable absence as of late.  Either way, both of these individuals sincerely love to talk to anybody and everybody.  When going somewhere with my Dad, it was always guaranteed that  you should budget an extra half hour of time, because you would inevitably run into someone that he knew and wanted to chit-chat with.

My Dad loves to chat. Nathan loves to chat.

My Mom and I are quite different.  I can go for a long while without seeing a bunch of people or talking to a bunch of people and feel quite alright with it.  However, if the opportunity presents itself and I am with a few close friends (or even just good friends that can make me laugh!), I will spend hours talking with them.  I love getting to know people deeply and personally, and, in my opinion, the people that are almost always worth knowing deeply/personally are not going to share all their secrets within just a few days of knowing you.  They might give you their blanket story, but truly learning what makes them tick will take much longer and will require effort on both parts.

Is one mode of communication and befriending better than the other? I wouldn't care to say yes or no to that.  I think these ways are just different, and to be honest, it's another act of balancing.  After all, what is the point of having 1,000,000,000 friends, if no one knows you well enough to (as my Mom said) "wipe your butt if you need it?".  Similarly, it can get awfully lonely just having 5 friends to talk with.

Balance. It's all about balance.

Best,

Unprecedented

I've recently finished a book entitled "The Fault In Our Stars" by John Green.  While there were many quotes that I took from it (yes, I'm a quotes person), there was one that I wanted to meditate upon longer than the others:

"You are so busy being that you have no idea how utterly unprecedented you are."


Wow.
What a life motto to have (even if Mr. Green didn't mean it in this manner).

To formulate your existence around the idea of enjoying existence and creating yourself solely from your experiences and not focusing on what others think of you for your persona or your experiences.

I don't think I'm alone in saying that I've spent more time than I care to admit being concerned with what others thing, specifically about me or my actions.  While some of it is mostly to ensure that I'm living up to the high standards I imagine others hold for myself (ie: parents), I feel like I miss out on a large amount of life because of this introspectivity. (Not a word then, is a word now: introspectivity)

If we each focused on our own humanity and our own desire to live our individual lives as we desired, would we be even more unique than we are now?  Is that even a possible thing....if we are truly unique? Simultaneously, that one in a million comment doesn't necessarily work out....there are 6,840,507,003 people on this Earth.  I'm no mathematician, so I let you figure out how many "yous" there are in existence currently.  Not to mention the past and present.  All concepts of uniqueness beg one to believe that their individuality is truly honed by their experiences.


Which goes back into being "being".  Being experiences.


Nobody else on this planet has spent 10 days crammed in a car with Nathan, Brittany and Sean trying to make it to the west coast and back.  Plenty of other people have spent 10 days crammed in a car with 3 other individuals.  When my being coincided with other peoples' beings, that is where uniqueness came from.....not from the broader experience, but from encountering other beings at a very specific time.   


Margaret, as I know you're going to probably be reading this...I'm dying to hear your thoughts (I value them highly).  Your's too Lauren!

I think I'm going to leave it at this for the time being, mostly because I'm not quite sure where I want to go with this yet.  I just felt as though I should do a blog post, even if it is incomplete, inconsistent and incoherent.....

Best,

Needs vs. Wants

I have the good fortune of working at a locally owned coffee shop in my hometown.  I've been employed by them for the past 3 years and have enjoyed it and continue to enjoy it immensely.

I know that I've noticed the following situation before, but never really had an outlet (outside of my private journal) to talk about it.  Here we go:

A customer walks into the coffee shop (I know, sounds like a bad joke already, doesn't it) and sidles up to the register.

Me or another staff member: "Hey, how's it going?"
Customer: "Good"
(occasionally the conversation will go on a little bit longer where we may mention what has happened in our day)
Me or another staff member: "Awesome.  What can I get for you?"
Customer: "Well....I NEED a(n) (insert drink name here)."

This is where I lie in discontent.  Does any customer really need a 16 oz-extra shot-sugar free-skim-vanilla latte?  Are they in such a state as that they will cease to exist without said latte?  From my observations, they do not need this substance, but they in fact want it.  The difference between needs and wants.

Now don't get me wrong, I've done it too.  After a long day at work or school or whatever I'm prone to saying "Ugh, I need a good beer."  I am fully aware of the fact that I do not need a good beer, merely that I desire it.

I'm calling myself out, too.

However, it's easy enough for me to say to myself:

"No, miss lady, you do not need a beer, but merely want it because you find the process of drinking a beer, which is often accompanied by great conversation, exceptionally relaxing.  People who actually need things are the starving children of the world, which sounds completely cliche, but it happens to be an unfortunate truth.  There are starving children, and they do need food."

I don't know how many of you frequent coffee shops, but at the one I work at, we tend to have a clientele that would not take kindly to being corrected.  And, I just so happen to enjoy my job enough that I don't want to lose it because I was trying to redirect the misguided use of the English Language.  After all, if the word need comes to symbolize merely a "want".  What word are we going to use to fulfill the meaning of the word "need"?

But perhaps it is upon my shoulders (and now yours, for reading this and realizing it) to correct these individuals.

Anyway, rather than ranting and being redundant, I will leave the conversation at that.

Best,

Things I've read that you should read: "The Fault In Our Stars" - John Green

Things that I've heard that you should hear: Hundred Waters (it's a group)

Things I've eaten that you should eat: Spinach and Cheese Quinoa

Things I've drank that you should drink: Delirium Nocturnum

Kurt Vonnegut on the Arts

I love this video of Kurt Vonnegut. Scoot yourself ahead to about 6 minutes.

Anyone who participates in any sort of art...should completely watch this.  It's only about 2 minutes long (well, the discussion of art from minutes 6-8)...the entire video is about one hour.

Best,

What A Night

Last evening I had the distinct pleasure of going down to my trombone professor's house and surprising him with a gift and a visit from two other section members.

I thought it would only be a one hour thing and that Vance would have a lesson at 7pm after my supposed lesson.  But it wasn't and he didn't.

I think Jason and I left around 11pm?

So what do you do, in small town Midwest, until 11pm?  You sit and hear awesome stories.  You get a tour of Vance's farm and hear about its history.  You eat pizza with friends.  You, in essence, have a really good time.

Throughout college, I had an "okay" time.  I didn't hate it, but it wasn't like "oh-my-gosh-these-are-the-best-years-of-my-life-let's-do-college-foreverrrrrrrrrrrr".  And, to be honest, I'm completely okay with that.    There were a few things that I particularly enjoyed.

One:
These girls:

Two:
These folks:

Three:
Which were part of this ensemble:

And yes, of course there were other things that I really liked about college (I really enjoyed being in all of the ensembles), but there were a lot of things that I thought were problems that should be fixed.  A lot of politics.  And, mannnnnn, politics just aren't cool.  Especially when they influence your education and the quality of your education.

I mean, hey, it's my thousands of dollars and my time spent doing homework. I want the best damn education I can get..especially since I'm paying for it.

But I digress.

Last night was a lot of fun. I hope to do something similar to it again sometime this summer.

Best,